When He Doesn't FEEL Faithful

Today is a hard day. It's December 4, the day that I've been praying for several months would be the day that Luke came home.

I'm talking hard core prayer. Prayer that leaves on the floor. Prayer that is in every breath. Prayer that makes you CERTAIN God will come through with a big fat "you've got it!"

Except, He didn't.

Now I'm sitting at home. Both Abigail AND Karissa have moved away. And I am not at the airport picking up my husband. I am not wearing my husband-coming-home-outfit. I canceled my childcare reservations I had for tomorrow so we could go see a movie together. I kind of want to curl up in a ball and cry for a very, very long time.

I don't want to go to the coffee tonight. I WANT to be with Luke.

God, why? Why didn't you bring him home?