Thursday, May 20, 2010

Fail: Bad Mommy Moments

In my pursuit of frugal time and, well, everything else I fill my day with I worry that I am neglecting what I claim is one of my top priorities -- Dave.

For example, I really *want* to read to him everyday. And I *want* to make that a priority. But it doesn't really happen. Sure, we read. But not consistently. Not every day. And the sad thing is he LOVES to read with us. Why can't I just make it happen?

Another example: I want to teach him baby sign. Yeah, that hasn't happened either.

Now they tell me there was no way to know about this, and I did the right thing ... but yesterday morning we ended up going to the doctor because he was SO sick and SO cranky that I thought "surely this isn't just teething." And sure enough, it wasn't. His eardrum had ruptured and the other ear was infection. They say that the drum can rupture not long after the infection has started, and just because that has happened doesn't mean the infection was raging for days. So that's some comfort. But why didn't it occur to me before Tuesday evening when he was running a 100.3 fever that perhaps teething wasn't the only explanation? Is that I just wasn't paying enough attention to him? Was it that I was just thinking only of my needs and my priorities?

When you look at people (and yes, this includes your own kids) as projects, not as living, growing, breathing people, that is what happens. You miss their needs and focus only on what you think they need next in your little project checklist. There's no room for individuality in a people-project, just what you believe should be next on the list.

Note to self: while Dave is a priority, he is a priority person, not a priority project.

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