Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I have divided and conquered.
You may call me "Maximus."
The following events are all true. Nary a lie or embellishment is hidden within the narrative.
Alarm clock set for 4:30 a.m., she lay in a dreamless sleep, preparing herself for the road ahead. Having determined that the holiday season is not of her liking, our Brave Conqueror concluded Thanksgiving Evening that the best way to deal with the evils of Christmas Shopping was to be rid of it in one fell swoop.
The buzzing of the clock on the table stirred her ... she knew it was time. Springing from her bed, rushing through her morning rituals, she soon found herself at the door of the Great and Mighty Walmart. A parking lot full of pushy people, all as eager to conqueror as she, lay before her.
Did our Warrior hesitate? Not a bit! Armed with shopping cart and mp3 player [let's face it, every good story has a soundtrack] she made her way into the throng of people who pushed and prodded to get to the 1/2 off DVD players and TV sets.
Did this stop her? No! In less than 45 minutes, this wonder of a woman had acquired all the items on her list, made her way through the check out lines, and stood on the other side.
There she was, victorious, receipt in hand ... the glory was too much, the feelings too powerful. She threw up her hands to sky and, in salutation of victory, shouted ...
"DAH-DAH! I have won! I rule!"
(At which time a very presumptuous, tired looking Gentleman took to laughing, presumably at Our Great Warrior. The gall).