Saturday, January 31, 2009


There should be some sort of planners or plotters anonymous.

"Hello, my name is Amy, and I have to have a plan."

It doesn't really matter if the plan never actually happens ... it doesn't even have to get close to happeninimeg. I just have to have a plan. Have. To.

So, mirroring the list in the last post I now have a contingency plan for every situation. Go me.

1. Nothing changes, he deploys, and I stay here.
2. He goes to Riley and I go with him with all of our stuff. Because he'll be sent to Benning right after he gets back and because the time we get out Riley is just about the time a certain friend will be moving there with her husband I'll probably just head there and set up shop. Misery loves company.
3. We all get moved to Fort Benning for an undetermined length of time while he finishes an undetermined number of schools. Then we tackle the Kansas issue. After the Kansas issue I'm basically a vagabond -- Benning is done, Lewis is in the past and there is no way I'm going to want to stay in Kansas. In this scenario ...? I'm really starting to think seriously again about going back to D.C.

I know, I know. Not that long ago I blogged about my monumental moment and how, it turns out, I do not NEED to go back to D.C. to be happy and that it is not where I currently belong. I concluded that I belong here at Lewis.

All of those things remain true. But if our time at Lewis is over I won't belong here then either ... it, too, will be in the past. Just like my former life in D.C.

While thinking about this today it dawned on me that perhaps I had to have this moment to ever be able to move on from anything -- not so much to close the D.C. door forever.

There would be a few things that would have to happen for me to move back:

- The right circumstances regarding Luke and the Army
- I would have to feel like it was for sure the right thing to do, not just something I felt like doing, or something comfortable
- I would have to do have something to DO there. I'm not thinking in terms of employment, since between Luke not being here using his salary and the incredibly large amount of living allowance the Army gives for the D.C. metro area we'd still be putting savings in the bank even with me living in Northern Virginia (where I'd probably settle given the scant apartment situation on the Hill). I'm thinking in terms of a service purpose. I would want a likely church related project to devote myself to on as close to a full time volunteer basis as is practical with a baby.

And that's about it.

But maybe I won't have to go anywhere. Maybe I can just carry on as I have been, living the cozy life here doing what is familiar even with the husband far, far away.

(I never thought I'd call having the husband far, far away and living here as a single mom the "cozy thing." Life is some kind of crazy).

Hurry Up, Then Wait

The Army has struck again. Instead of actually telling us anything, they just solidified possible changes and told us to wait for them. Until mid March. Awesome.

When Luke finally got home last night (after all afternoon meetings. He is forgiven) he confirmed that the Big Powers That Be do, indeed, think my name is "Abigail" and want him to move to Fort Riley in Kans-Ass for three months of training before deploying on a MIT team. There is also a possibility that they could be convinced to first send him to Fort Benning (with me! and Baby B) and THEN to Kans-Ass for all that fun.

However, the Little Powers That Be here at Fort Lewis are fighting tooth and nail to keep him here so that he can deploy with them come June-ish. Luke seems to think it a fairly good chance that the Little Powers will win the fight and nothing will change. I'm tempted to think him overly optimistic (which I just spelled wrong and the computer changed to "optometrist." Not the same).

So, the good old hierarchy of likliness ...

1. Nothing changes, he deploys
2. He goes to Riley and I ... go with him and find some sort of housing arrangement for three months? and then move ... back here? ... where the majority of our stuff is in storage? ... and get 50 Strong Men to somehow haul our Incredibly Heavy Couches around?
3. We all get moved to Fort Benning for an undetermined length of time while he finishes an undetermined number of schools. Then we tackle the Kansas issue.
4. While we move to Benning and do schools both Kansas and Afghanistan simulataneously explode eliminating the need to go to either place.

Number four is my prefered option. No offense folks from Kansas. If I hear of a pending mass single state explosion, I promise to give you fair warning so you can move somewhere else.

Friday, January 30, 2009

The Day

Today is supposed to be the day we find out about this whole "what the heck are we doing?!" business. In fact, Luke was supposed to be having lunch with Colonel "I like to withhold information."

And he promised to call afterwards ...

So why don't I know anything new?! It's 1:20 p.m., folks, lunchtime is over.

I think my head my explode with anticipation.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Things Unknown

As previously discussed, it drives me crazy when people know things and I know they know them and they refuse to tell me. Absolutely bonkers. I think it's the journalist in me, or something along those lines. I spent several years figuring out who knew what and then doing my darndest to get them to spill their guts. And guess what? It usually worked.

But this is different. This information is held by Luke's boss, and it's reaaaaallly hard to winkle things out of people when they are in charge of your husband. We saw him Tuesday evening at the Family Readiness Group (FRG) meeting (more about that in a sec, you lucky duck) and it was everything I could do to keep myself from walking up to him and saying "hi, I'm growing a human and have that world's smallest amount of patience as it is, care to share what the crap is going on with our lives?!"

It was a miracle I resisted.

Now the FRG meeting was way. too. long. Two hours! Nobody needs to sit and hear Army information for two hours! It's dumb.

Now you people know that sometimes I leave out words and misspell things accidentally, but overall I'm a pretty decent writer (in my own, humble no doubt, eyes). Therefore the worst part of the ENTIRE meeting was that at the bottom of every slide was the word "buffaloes," which is the battalion mascot.

For the first five or six slides I sat and thought "I really dont think that's how you spell that."

The next five or six slides were spent on my blackberry confirming the proper spelling.

The remainder of the meeting was spent wondering why a bunch of people managed to so grossly misspell a word.

And THEN they unveiled the proposed company t-shirt. It was printed with a bunch of stuff like "1-17 HHC" and then, at the bottom "Buffaloes."

On the shirt!!

Fortunately they informed us that this was not the final design and they were probably removing that word.

Nevertheless after the meeting I walked up to the Cpt. in charge and said "Hi, I'm LT Bushatz' wife. I really just have to tell you the plural of 'buffalo' is, in fact, 'buffalo,' not 'buffaloes.'"


Dear Col.,

Please tell me what the crap is going on with us before Monday when you and my husband leave for a month.



Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Almighty Army

Sometimes the Army is a little bit like God -- I don't know what they're doing, I can't control it and ultimately there's absolutely nothing I can do to change its will.

Since it is, indeed, so very unchangeable that the only thing I can do is accept it.

The truth is that God really does have in His hands all of those annoying things that we cannot control -- yes, including the Stupid Army.

And so as we await the Army news this week containing our fate I'm not praying that God will change and control or do whatever with the hearts of those making the decisions -- He already has that covered. I'm praying that He will give me the grace to take it well, accept it as I should, trust that it will all work out and move forward -- whatever that means.

Now the low down as I currently know it:

-- Somebody whose job it is to do this at Luke's new job talked to Big Army yesterday and got the details on what people who make Cpt. at the same time Luke does will be doing: deployment with the brigade or ...?
-- The Colonel, who was not there yesterday, will be briefed and then will tell the people in question.
-- Meanwhile, Guy Who Knows Everything would not dish, but did say that if effects (affects... effects .. man! I always get that one wrong!) six people and that everyone else will be deploying.
-- Luke seems to think this means that the six LTs who have been there the longest will be the ones to go, and that includes him.
-- "Going," however, is undefined. It could mean we move to Stupid Georgia. It could mean he joins a MIT team out of Fort Lewis and then deploys. It could mean he has to move somewhere else for a time and THEN join a MIT team (again, Abigail, much love, but -- STOP GIVING ME YOUR LIFE!)
-- We should know what's going on by the end of the week at which time we have to go to a dumb "hello/goodbye" Army party where they officially say hello to new folks and officially goodbye to old folks ... and we could be on the goodbye list.

Now, the Hierarchy of Stupidness, the part of the story where I tell you which of these I want to do least, number one being the most stupid.

1. Move to Georgia
2. MIT Team out of Fort Lewis
3. Stay here while Luke deploys with his current brigade

Where this gets complicated is if the MIT team is actually out of somewhere REALLY dumb, like Kansas (Abigail, seriously). Then he would probably have to move there for a multitude of months before officially leaving for a year. And would the Army pay for me to go with him? Probably not. Is it really practical for me to go with him with the wee baby only to live in temporary housing for three months? Again, not so much.

As I said, praying that God gives me grace for whatever comes. Thank GOODNESS that grace is one of those promises in the Bible, because if it wasn't I would likely loose it completely. As it is, I reserve the right to do so later regardless.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Moments of Power

1. Prayer

It does work, so you should use it. Right now my prayers are particularly with these D.C. friends who are trying to adopt four kids from Ukraine. Their blog:

I'm also praying for a military ministry we are attempting to start at church, for Luke as he gets ready to go to Stupid NTC and just in general over what exactly God wants us to be doing with ourselves. Lots, and lots of prayer.

2. The smack down

I saw two soldiers -- male soldiers, mind you -- pull into an expectant mother's parking spot at the commissary today. And you know they know better. So I got out of my car and said (well, shouted across the parking lot) "excuse me, which of you is an expectant mother?" They silently turned around and moved the car.

3. Food

There's something about making delicious food that makes you feel particularly wonderful. Power over ingredients. Today I'm making strawberry muffins for small group tomorrow ... mm ... it's been a while. Mmmmm... tasty.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Registry photos

And that was registering for baby. So there you have it.

Cruise photos

Cruise photos .... there you go.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

On Making Plans

... or "Famous Last Words."

I admit it, I'm a control freak. As long as I have a plan for a scenario, I'm fine. Well, not fine. But more fine than I'd be normally.

The Army is therefore not the place for me. It is an entire institution in which things change constantly -- and they do not care whether or not a person has a plan.

At first it wasn't so bad -- Luke was going to have a job change and will be deploying to Afghanistan with his brigade instead of Iraq. Whatever. It's all pretty much the same to me, let's not lie.

But when he met with the colonel last night it was a different story ...

Luke for now has a job change. And for now is deploying to Afghanistan. But it could be that instead we move to Georgia this summer and he doesn't deploy at all.

Obviously you'd think that this would make me happy. Except that I don't have a plan for this.

I have a great plan for when he deploys -- I stay here, enjoy being a mom, pawn my child off on people while I workout to keep myself from going crazy, love on the Northwest summer, visit D.C. for a few weeks, visit Florida, drive to Idaho whenever I feel like it, get increasingly involved in my church ... you get the idea.

I have NO plan for Georgia. No friends for pawning off the kid. No delightful Northwest summer. No friends. No church. No nothing. And moving across the country with a newborn? Well that doesn't really sound like fun at all. ZERO FUN.

So we likely will not know anything more about what we're doing until mid March, at the earliest. That lovely time delay is also not good for my need to have a plan. Not. Good.

And remember how I went off in my last post about how I am really starting to feel like I belong here, like God has something for me to here, how finally, after a year, I know people and things and all of that good stuff?

Yeah, funny. Except not.

Monday, January 19, 2009

A Monumental Moment

Just to make you read the whole post, I'm going to put off telling about my All Important Moment until the end. Watch me.

Today was a good day, got a lot done. Monday is my weekly Clean My House day -- the one day a week I dust, mop, clean the tub (OK the tub cleaning rarely if ever actually happens. I hate cleaning the tub. So usually I just spray it with bleach) and that sort of thing. I felt very inclined to this week add to Clean My House day the task of cleaning my carpet ...

And so I did. The last time I did this was July 28. How do I know this? Because Luke was gone and it was our one month wedding anniversary ... and I cleaned the carpets to celebrate. Lame, I know.

Now they are clean and shiny once more. Yay.

In case you are keeping track of my major pregnancy related food infatuations, my most recent is peanut butter. Yes, by itself, and preferably by the spoonful. I went through great lengths to locate the most healthy peanut butter, since it's hardly a low calorie food.

Also, yesterday we had to go out for Mexican food because I had a dream I was eating a burrito. Oddly enough, I did not want a burrito on said food trip. I got some sort of Enchilada creation, in case you were curious.

Now that I've gone off about food you care nothing about (don't lie), I feel this is a good time to remind my faithful reading base that really, this blog is, at its most basic level, for no other purpose than to be a brain dump for me. You must therefore pardon any posts that come across as "stuck up," or "egotistical," or full of pronouncements one may consider rather implausible in practice. Really, all I'm doing is giving myself a bit of a pep talk in writing. After all, my mantra has always been "It hath been blogged, therefore it shall be."

Now, for the Moment of Monumentalness (that isn't a word. I'm aware, thanks).

This morning Luke did all he could to convince me that what I really do want, more than anything in the world, is to move back to D.C. while he's deployed.

And I said "no."

(That was the moment, in case you didn't catch it).

It's not that I don't want to move back to D.C. or that I don't LOVE D.C. and frequently wish I could still be there ... I do. But I know it is not the right thing to do, no matter how much I want it.

Sure, you may say "well it's not practical," or "it wouldn't be the same with a baby." And I am aware of all of those things. My plan would not be to do what I was doing, but rather to work at a non profit or do one of those things D.C. people always wish they could do full time if money wasn't a factor.

So it really isn't about practicality or feasibility. It's about what I am supposed to be doing with myself, baby notwithstanding.

And I know, without a doubt, that I belong here for now. I am finally starting to figure out exactly what I'm supposed to be doing with myself (yes, it took me a year. Be quiet). I have at long last figured out where I might belong regarding ministry within our church. I'm finally meeting people and figuring out how I can help them.

And that is a good feeling.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

When They Say Helper ...

I have lots to blog, not the least of which is about our fab-u-lous trip to the Bahamas which ended Monday. Sad, sad day. I was trying to plot some way in which I might stay there forever, but they all seemed to have down sides. So home we came.

Pictures will not be forthcoming for you at this time, however, because they must be fetched off the laptop, where Luke is currently plugging away at a school assignment.

Yes, I said school. After many months of planning he has finally started his masters degree and, with a month long Army inspired absence coming up, has a lot of work to do in a very short time.

And this where Amy as helper comes in. The Bible goes on and on about being a helper to your husband, and you think that's mostly to do with cooking dinner and raising kids but apparently it also includes helping with school work.

So helping I am. At this point this is mostly related to helping him figure out exactly what he's supposed to write and then editing it ...

And I am far from the best editor ever. The good Lord did not make me a copy editor for a reason. But I'm trying.

I'm tired of getting fat. I know I'm growing a human and all and I'm just going to have to deal with it, but that doesn't mean I can't get ready to get rid of all the fatness as soon as possible after the baby comes out. (may that be soon but not too soon).

I've therefore decided that what I really need to do is have something I'm working towards, an actual real life goal. "Being thin" really isnt enough to spur me to awesomeness, neither is "looking hot at Callie's wedding." But what HAS worked in the past is "training for a sprint triathlon," so I'm just going to do that again.

I know, you all think I'm crazy. And I'm totally OK with that. I figure I can start really working out by early June, giving me plenty of time to get in shape by late to mid August. And a sprint triathlon really isn't that much ... about a .5 mile swim, about a 4 mile run and no more than a 12 mile bike. Piece of cake to train for since we already know I can do the swim, the bike isnt that hard to ramp up to and I have plenty of time to get back to that length of a run.

So meanwhile I'm focusing on doing what I can now. I hit the elyptical for about 45 minutes most days, followed by some weights. I'll start hitting the pool again, no problem there (I stopped because Luke hates how it smells ... and this pool does have a REALLY strong chemical smell) and bam! Six weeks after I have a baby I'll be the hottest Mom you've ever met! (I can dream, right?).

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Things Ironic

1. While driving over I-5 (stupid, stupid I-5!) on our way to Christmas with my family we were accosted by a rock, which of course chipped Abigail's windshield. Ahhh! The worst part about that is that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, except stay home. Safe driving, conditions notwithstanding (Luke's car got a chip when it was sunny and dry a few months ago. Bah) it's gonna happen. Got it fixed. No problem.
When the friends from D.C. who were borrowing our car gave it back, the entire windshield was cracked. Not their fault. Nothing they could've done. Karma, I tell ya.

2. I'm waiting for my gym clothes to finish drying so I can put them on and get them dirty again. This strikes me as funny ....

Friday, January 2, 2009

12 More Allowed

Well, the doctor was a bust. Not only did I forget to get a refill on my pre-natal vitamins, but they weighed me.

And my blood pressure was elevated again.

(Whoa I just a revelation! They always weigh me before taking my blood pressure and my blood pressure is always up, even if parking is good like it was this week. MAYBE it's the weighing that's stressing me out and if they just did the blood pressure first everything would be fine! I'm totally suggesting that next time).

It's the weighing that really makes me mad. I work so hard so that I won't be a big, fat, formally pregnant person. I eat relatively healthy foods in reasonable quantities. I exercise regularly. I even think thing thoughts.

But to no avail. In the last two months I've gained -- brace yourself -- 10 lbs.

10! This brings us to a grand total of 15 since they started weighing me at week 12 and THAT weight was a good 7 lbs above the wedding weight.

Now, they say you should gain between 20 and 30 lbs while pregnant. That gives me 12 lbs more allowed in the next four months.

I'm worried that's not going to happen. They say 1 a week can be expected from this point on ... about 16 lbs total. If I only gain what I'm supposed to. Which I probably won't.

This leaves a lot to get rid of before I can consider myself even near awesome looking again. My goal is to get rid of all of my baby weight by the time Luke's sister gets married in late June... that's two whole months. If, like they say, between 19 and 25 lbs of that is baby and it's baggage ... then that's doable, right?

In other news, we are watching Olympic long jumping tryouts. I would SO die doing that. First they shoot down the ramp, then they fly through the air and they land. I feel like I may be able to shoot and fly, but I would definitely die landing. Luke says IF I made it on the shooting part, I would face plant into the snow at the end of the ramp.

Such a supportive husband.