Thursday, October 7, 2010

Lies America Tells You

There are lies, friend, embedded with the fabric of America. I will now share them with you.

During our cross-country adventure we wound our way through every National Park and forest that lives within a 40 or so mile distance from the route we wanted to take. We weren't really going out of our way to see them ... but if they were there we were taking a slight side route. It only makes sense, really. We were also stopping to see things that are not federally mandated parks but are important nonetheless. Like the "Corn Palace" (a palace, billboards tell you, made of corn) and "Wall Drug," (a big fat tourist trap that does, in fact, sell delicious donuts in the middle of nowhere in South Dakota).

It is during these adventures that I have discovered the Lies. Let me tell you about them.

1. Saw Tooth Mountains

Lies! I have no picture to demonstrate this but I can safely say that there are no saw teeth there - not a-one! - and they dont even resemble teeth. They are a smidge pointy. That is all.

2. Black Hills

Deceit! Not black! I know, this shocked me too. I thought surely at least the dirt would be black. But it wasn't. It was regular dirt color (brown) and the trees were average (green).

3. Craters of the Moon National Monument

False! Not formed from meteorites or anything even remotely space like! They are actually pointy rocks formed by lava. Way cool, but still -- false advertising, folks.

4. Yellowstone

Trickery! I drove all around that giant place and I did not see a single yellowstone. But I did see this pretty thing above. How cool is that?

5. Corn Palace

Deception! Palace made of corn, my foot. This place is just a big building with some corn husks stuck to it. Seriously, what a drag.

6. Badlands

I'll give this a "mostly false" because I can see how you would think they are, in fact, bad. ... if you had to travel through them with your cows. But we were driving and I think cows are smelly, so I thought they were "good."

.. and now you know.

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