It was bound to happen sometime. I mean, I just had a baby for crying out loud. Tears are inevitable, right? And they'd probably happen whether I had a husband gone or not.
But the husband being gone sure seemed like a good excuse for it.
I managed to save them for bedtime, when I climbed into my bed and sobbed to my heart's content. Yes, it felt good. And yes, it did help.
Today the future is much brighter. But yesterday -- yesterday -- it all seemed oh-so-overwhelming. Huck wouldn't fall asleep on his own and instead had incredible quantities of air in his stomach which took him 45 minutes to burp up in between crying fits during what was supposed to be nap time. Dave was constantly acting out. I was tired. Mary is leaving Sunday ensuring that someday I will have to do my own dishes, sweep my own floor and fold my own laundry once more. A week and a half after she leaves I have to start working again. And I flat out missed Luke.
But a night of decent sleep puts everything into perspective and I was able to come up with the following solutions:
- Huck is probably burping up air because he is gulping air while he is eating. He is gulping air while he is eating because his latch isn't good and I can't hear him swallowing air because I'm so busy yelling at Dave to Stop. Climbing. On. Me. while I'm feeding the poor child. Solution: distract him with Mary and go somewhere quiet to feed the babe. Solution after Mary leaves = 20 minutes of Elmo/quiet feeding spot.
- Dave is acting out because everything is suddenly so different. Mary is great, but in some ways she's just another new person our house. Shew gives him attention but it's not the same as attention from Mommy. Solution: get back in our routine as quickly as possible and, when Mary leaves, ease back into it slowly solo. This means lots of park time, library, chickfila and park play time and classes at the Y. All should be easy to do with babe in tow. And someday Dave will get used to the changes and stop acting out. SOME DAY. (::: sigh :::)
- Mary is leaving and that's life. Solution: know not to sweat the small stuff. Make my daily to-do list, keep it reasonable and focus on time management and my new priorities. These are: feeding/loving on Huck, feeding Dave and myself, loving on Dave (by going and doing things that he enjoys, spending time with him, reading, etc.), sleeping and then everything else.
- I have to start working again -- no way around that, really ... plus I enjoy it (a lot). But right now I'm just too tired and too stretched thin so the thought overwhelms me. Solution: while getting back into my routine identify times in our schedule that I am filling with "other" stuff but could be working. Example: there's sure to be time in the evening/mid afternoon during naptime and kiddo bedtime that I'm not needing to sleep but am filling with other stuff. Working hard to get Huck sleeping longer stretches at night will be key to this. Last night he did two 4 hours stretches feeding to feeding. The night before he did one 3.5 hour stretch ... let's hope the lengthening continues, eh?
- I miss Luke. Solution: no solution, really. Pray really hard that he makes it straight through this school and keep reminding myself that he's doing this not just because of his career, but because he needs to on a personal level. And as his wife, it's my responsibility to support his needs even if I don't understand them ... just as he supports me whenever I want to do something bat crazy (like triathlon).
See? I have a plan. I like plans.