Jealousy

I'm a person who wants things she can't or simply doesn't have.

The desires usually center around wanting to be or belong to something I am not. Whether it is a certain level of fame, a occupational goal that I am unable to achieve for one reason or another or a clique (intentional or unintentional) that I am blocked from ... I feel like a failure because I am unable to break in. I feel not good enough, unwanted, whatever.

This manifests itself in different ways. I hate being left out of things, however minor they may seem. I may not even show up, but I like to be invited. It simply makes me feel good.

This is not the first time I have blogged about this. No, not the first time at all.

And I wonder if someday I will be able to get over myself, accept who I am (or, as it feels now, who I am stuck being), the circles I belong to and stop basing my worth on how many groups of people pine after my company.