There are some things that are just not OK to say. As my friend Lawren pointed out yesterday, there are some things you should never, ever ask someone that people for some reason ask anyway. Why would they do that? Not sure
.... Things like "How does it feel to be married?" (I have no idea how to answer this question. I know it's asked with the best of intentions, but what do you REALLY want to know when you ask this??) or, worse, "Was this baby planned?" (the subject of Lawren's justified rant).
There is one thing, however, that is worse than all those -- not a question, but a statement in response to my complaints about the Army being stupid and my husband leaving for six days at a time with no cell phone (even though two days ago he was only supposed to be gone four days and could bring his cell phone) ...
"Well, he's in the Army, so you better get used to it."
Ah, thank you, person who probably does NOT have a husband in the Army and has NO idea why it is so hard, so much harder than you would think ... how no matter how much you tell yourself that he comes and goes and it will be OK, it's not. Thank you, person who will never have to deal with because they have no military connection outside of you. Thank you, person who, when I say "you are never allowed to say that to me," clearly doesn't understand why, or care to understand. Thank you, person, who obviously thinks I'm delusional and a resident of the happy little land of denial. Your opinion and expertise is the one I value.
Not.
I don't know where people get off thinking that is an OK thing to say. How can you possibly think such a phrase, uttered repeatedly whenever I'm sad or lonely, is going to help? You think I do not know that being in the Army means that my husband, the person I love more than anyone else, who I left my entire life and career for, my best friend -- you think I don't know that the Army will take him away repeatedly for 12 to 15 months during which I'll barely get to talk to him, see him once for a week and he could die (that means be gone forever, in case you don't get it).
Ah, yes, the solace to my soul is your experienced "get used to it, and shut up."
In short, never, ever say that to me.
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Most people don't think before they speak. Ah, humanity sometimes. Get it together, people!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wish that instead of putting the blame onto us in the form of a, "you knew he was in the army, so why aren't you prepared for this to happen?!" statement that instead they would just go ahead and be SUPER honest and say, "hey, I'm tired of you talking, lets get back on track and talk about ME..."
ReplyDeleteBecause I know deep down that's what PEOPLE are REALLY getting at...
OH. And my new favorite things is that people seem to think that when I tell them Brett's going to Afghanistan that its REALLY an invite for them to tell me their own personal horror story:
"Oh, yeah...I knew someone who was shot/killed/brain damaged there...."
Not.ok.