I'm not ready.
I thought I was for a moment there. I thought I finally, after so many months, had come to the point where it wasn't about the power trip anymore. I thought, maybe, it would just be at the point where it is about the craft, the telling of the truth, the information.
But it's not.
It's still about the power trip. It's still about having a purpose that's cooler than anyone elses. Its about how it made me feel, not about what I'm doing for someone else.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll spend the rest of my life doing nothing more interesting than cleaning a house and being a mom. I'm afraid that I'll loose my insiders knowledge, my ability to hold an interesting conversation about politics or Senators and Congressmen. I'm afraid that I will be someone other people will pity.
I feel boring.