I'm not ready.
I thought I was for a moment there. I thought I finally, after so many months, had come to the point where it wasn't about the power trip anymore. I thought, maybe, it would just be at the point where it is about the craft, the telling of the truth, the information.
But it's not.
It's still about the power trip. It's still about having a purpose that's cooler than anyone elses. Its about how it made me feel, not about what I'm doing for someone else.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll spend the rest of my life doing nothing more interesting than cleaning a house and being a mom. I'm afraid that I'll loose my insiders knowledge, my ability to hold an interesting conversation about politics or Senators and Congressmen. I'm afraid that I will be someone other people will pity.
I feel boring.
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Well hey, being in the position of dealing with other people's bratty kids from time to time, I say do the world a favor and be an awesome mom. Sure, maybe nobody will put your name in lights or applaud every time you walk in the room, but if you do it right hopefully no one will mentally curse you every time they have to interact with your child, either. Just saying.
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