Sunday, August 16, 2009

Best Friend Missing

I'm feeling a little out of sorts today -- just kind off kilter for some reason (is "kilter" a word?). Actually, this feeling has been around for several days, starting Friday or so. Maybe it's because I haven't talked to Luke in going on 10 days. Or maybe it's because I haven't really seen any of the people I normally see in many days (with the exception of Tuesday -- which was also off kilter because of the whole kayak-no-show situation) ... even our Wednesday night home group was canceled.

Either way, I feel ... blah. Lukeless and blah. That wedding yesterday was great, and hanging out with Callie was great - and I so didn't cry during the wedding at all (go me!!). But now I feel like crying to make up for it.

I'm stressed. Again. I'm stressed because we are flying to California early tomorrow morning and I just want to get it over with. I'm stressed over the fact that my hair is falling out because I'm nursing and because (get this) I'm stressed.

I think the start of all this stress is stress about Luke. They've been outside the wire for 9 days and they have already had three combat related injuries in the battalion. No one was seriously hurt -- a lot of broken bones. (And two journalists were involved in the IED accident and one of them lost his foot ... sad). And if Luke had been hurt I would've gotten a call ... but that's not to say he wasn't nearby or IN the Stryker that was exploded and just missed getting hurt. And while I know God is taking care of him I just want him to check in and tell me he's OK and at least several miles from all explosions.

The stress is showing itself as me being stressed about other things. I couldn't sleep past 4 a.m. yesterday. I feel off kilter. Earlier I left a long note on a car in our parking lot after the owner jammed his car door into a crevice on my car. I actually watched him unjam it with a lot of banging, etc. from my window in my apartment. I couldnt figure out exactly what he was doing and by the time I ran down there he had gotten it unjammed and was quickly walking away from his car, got in a different car and drove away. After he was gone I had time to see the not significant yet obvious scratch he left and my car's paint on his (red) door. It was some stupidity to think that I didn't know what he was doing and to just walk away like that when I was right there ... and that's basically what my note said. Then I moved my car.

I would never have left a note if I wasnt this stressed out.

Hopefully this week will help unstress me. (I'm at this still stressed about remembering everything). I mean, what's better than sitting in a hammock reading a magazine with a partial view of my Most Favorite Lake Ever?! (.. reading a book that Abigail recommended that I requested from the library WOULD be better, but the library didnt deliver in time ... or reading the book I was going to ask her to bring with her tomorrow morning but alas she has kindey stones. Again. That's some sort of impressive! I'll live without the book ... but get better soon Ab!!!) And someone else will hold Dave. And I will sit in the sun. And I'll eat fun food. And hang out with my family.

... But then I'll go to church at my home church where Luke and I got married. And that will probably make me cry because by that time if he hasnt called (and he probably won't have) I'll miss him that much more. And then a million people will ask me a million questions about him which I'll have to somehow answer without crying .... and that will stress me out because I'll have to wait to cry until I'm by myself. ...

... I need to go to bed. (after I finish packing some more).

1 comment:

  1. Hoping your flight to CA and your time there will be good.
    I'm praying for you and Luke and baby Dave.